Alternate Perceptions Magazine, November 2025
An Important Tool for the Holidays
By Stan Prachniak, MBA
With the holiday season approaching, many people will find themselves spending a lot more time with family and friends than usual. Spending time with family and friends who have different beliefs than you can lead to some challenging interactions. How you choose to deal with these situations can have a lasting impact on your relationships with these people. Notice that I said, “how you choose to deal with these situations,” because you cannot control how another person chooses to deal with a situation. In Freedom To Change we speak extensively about controlling what you can control and letting the rest go. Uncomfortable situations that you may encounter with friends and family members offer a good example of how and when to apply this principle.
Extended periods of time spent with family and friends means increased chances for differences in beliefs and opinions to surface. When these differences do come up, the potential for emotionally-driven arguments also increases. Emotions are connected to beliefs, and strong beliefs evoke strong emotions. It is important for you to understand that you cannot change the other person’s beliefs or past life experiences that have led them to believe what they believe. When people with opposing beliefs begin feeling like another person is trying to “change their mind,” or feel attacked, things can become heated. There is a chance that situations like these can be effectively “diffused” with a simple approach that we call the ABCD Method. The basics of this method are to Assess the situation, challenge your Beliefs, Choose what to do, then Do it. If you find yourself facing a challenging situation at a family gathering, it could be worth it to try the ABCD Method. Let’s take a look at what this might look like.
It's Thanksgiving day and you arrive at a family member’s home where you will be spending hours with relatives that you only see once or twice per year. You know that you have different political beliefs than many of them, so you are a bit nervous about how the day will go. After everyone exchanges pleasantries and gets settled in, you find yourself at a table with several people with opposing political beliefs who are seemingly attacking everything you believe in. This is a moment where you get to choose how you will react. If you choose to utilize the ABCD Method, you will first assess the situation. You might consider who these people are and how much they mean to you. Chances are, these are people who have helped make you who you are today and that you have created many fond memories with. Next, you would challenge your beliefs about this situation. You may ask yourself questions like, “Is this a personal attack?” “Are they deliberately trying to make me feel uncomfortable?” Or: “Is this just a discussion between two people with shared beliefs that I happen to be near?” Using the information that you have gathered from assessing the situation and challenging your beliefs, the next thing you will do is choose how you will react. There are several options you can consider here. You could attempt to change their minds, change the subject, respectfully point out your differences of opinion and agree to disagree, or disengage completely by removing yourself from that table. Whatever you choose is entirely up to you. Once you have chosen what you will do, then do it. How they react to your decision is up to them, and once you accept this fact it becomes easier to let things go.
Freedom To Change offers a way for you to learn to deal with uncomfortable situations in life, and to control what you can control and let the rest go. For more information on the Freedom To Change materials, visit www.freedom2change.org.
